think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
