you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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