is your mom at the bar?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm passing your future prison.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
