Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize