I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
