Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
