i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
They took my balls.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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