NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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