walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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