i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
