It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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