Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
