he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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