Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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