Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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