tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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