Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
