I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Pants are for mortals
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize