Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
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