I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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