She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
