If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
