am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize