We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
