Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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