Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
