escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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