Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I am spending my child support on dildos
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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