and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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