i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
