it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
