hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
