Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
