He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
