I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
