i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
