He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
