Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
