I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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