in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
