Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
