Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
