Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
