I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
