we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
