even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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