So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just sucked dick on a ferry
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
