My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
