I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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