Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
