was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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