Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
