My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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