I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
