Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
