When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
