are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Just cropdusted the office
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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