Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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