So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I love you. Go after that dick
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I want a musical about memes.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
