I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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