She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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