I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
