the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
