im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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