Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
