Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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