Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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